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You may notice that we don't yet have any baby gates up. Yes, even on the (few) stairs. In a lot of ways, this is one example of how our parenting style is a little different from the norm.
One thing that is important to us is using the word "no" extremely sparingly. When a child hears the word no a zillion times a day, it not only means less each time you say it, it also emphasizes the behaviors you don't want to highlight. Children are also notorious for imitating their parents--so, you guessed it, you say no a million trillion times all day long, your child will also say no back to you. It all boils down to respectful discipline and understanding that your child is her own person. We treat Dalia with respect as we would any other human being. We treat other children with respect because they are human beings. And in the end, we want Dalia to treat herself with respect, her parents with respect, and other human beings (and animals) with respect.
Three words: empathy, compassion, and respect.
These are the core values of our little family of three.
So we let her climb the stairs. She did fall down and she was very scared, but that is ok. I was there for her and she learned that sitting on stairs doesn't work. I do not let her climb on the stairs when I am not looking, but I don't jump up and say NO NO NO DANGEROUS, because climbing stairs is an important skill. And she felt empowered when she accomplished it!
We have said no to Dalia basically one time. And now at 12 1/2 months, she never ever touches electrical cords. In fact, they are abound in our home and she crawls right past them. I no longer get nervous, though I watch her. She looks at me sometimes (and acknowledges that touching it would be a no no). It isn't about changing your whole world so your child is always protected, it is about teaching your child right from wrong.
It is about teaching your child to make the right decisions. And we value Dalia making her own decisions because we know that she is (with guidance) capable of learning and growing without too much intervention.
love this!! you guys rock:)
ReplyDeletei have actually asked people around me to stop saying no around Cole...and that was coming from the mindset of if I tell him no to everything, another 'no' for doing something that could be really dangerous for him, wouldn't get through as easily. I want to save nos for things like...don't touch a hot stove...don't grab electrical cords or play with sockets. Even when he starts banging a very patient dog on the head, I take his hand and say 'soft' instead. Ok, I'm babbling...but awesome! hehe
The soft thing is a great idea... It is about redirecting not always saying no. I get annoyed when family and friends say no to her about stupid things like dropping her cup. You have to respect where your child is developmentally. Drop and pick up is a milestone. Who wants to stifle a childs development and curiosity?
ReplyDeleteLove that she does such a great job with the stairs. She loves to explore.
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